“I Want To Die By The Ocean, At Dawn” (2019)

I want to die by the ocean, at dawn;
to be stabbed and mutilated by a trio of smiling men.
I don’t want the ocean to swallow my remains
like some clever Hollywood bullshit;
I want to vanish into the air,
and the men to follow to who-knows-where,
almost as if we were never there,
in that old harbor city by the ocean, at dawn.

I don’t wanna die on the street in Manhattan;
not London, Vienna, Trnava, or Toulouse.
I don’t wanna die in assisted living.
I don’t wanna die in a hospital bed in Cologne.
I don’t wanna die in an aeroplane or a ship.
I don’t wanna die at night on the highway, alone.
I don’t wanna die with dignity or with grace.
I want to die by the ocean, at dawn.

I love the sound of the ocean at dawn.
I love the taste of honey on a man’s thumb,
the smell of chocolate factories from the street,
and all the secret melodies in a song.
I love to cry watching soap operas on repeat,
I love the promise of arsenic and a gun,
I love the great sidewalk mosaics of used bubble gum,
and I want to die by the ocean, at dawn.

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